Life Lately … Losing my Dad

A recent bereavement put me on blogging hiatus. I’ve been grieving the loss of my dad. Diagnosed with cancer before Christmas we lost him on the first of March. Exactly a year since my spinal surgery, I’m still reeling from the roller-coaster of 2016/17.  Tongue tied, I’ve felt like I couldn’t carry on and blog as normal until I acknowledged my loss. So here’s a snap shot of ‘life lately’ missing the most quietly influential man in my life:

‘Things as they Should Be’ // Art in the Hospital// Twilight Visiting Hours // Floral Tributes 

Looking: at Art books and old photographs of my dad
Waiting: for my provisional licence to come in the post
Deciding: to make learning to drive a tribute to him (my only parent who could drive).
Wishing: He didn’t have to go in sickness and with pain.

Grateful: for precious time alone with him with no regrets for things unsaid.
Loving: reading to him in hospital, like I read to him when I was a kid.
Admiring: how he fought the pain to stay lucid and be present with us til the end.
Needing: quiet time to myself and to cry every now and again.

Smelling: his dressing gown that my mum let me keep
Noticing: all the good stuff in me that’s there because of him
Hoping: this will ease with time, eventually
Knowing: he’s more a part of me now than ever.

Reading: A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, and Stephen King’s On Writing.
Feeling: sad, angry, at peace and grateful, but not all in that order
Helping: my mum out whatever way I can
Considering: writing more later, because it’s still too soon.

Bobby Gillespie, in a driving licence pic from the year I was born. (Almost the same age here as I am now.)

So I’m sorry if we are mates and you’re only finding out about this now. It’s so sad, but I try to keep my grief discreet. I may not have talked about Ol’ Bob much, or maybe I did. But don’t doubt he was a huge part of my life, and the reason for my being an artist (and my complex relationship with art). In these last few years I understood that we were more alike than I’d imagined. And it comforts me now to realise I knew him better than I thought.

 

#Art #Love #Life #Death #Loss

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7 comments

  1. This is such a lovely tribute. It’s never easy to lose someone important. Hugs. Thoughts. Love. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Jess x

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  2. So sorry for your loss, Bridgeen. This is a lovely tribute to your father and I’m likely one of many who appreciate you sharing your grief & healing process here. Sending lot of good wishes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Rich. You just never know how this stuff is gonna affect you. Thanks for the kind words.x

      Like

  3. obtusata · · Reply

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to discuss death and loss and I love how you shared both your experience and feelings (good and bad). As said before, this is a beautiful tribute. My thoughts, love, strength are yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s so kind of you to say Annee. Its so surreal that he’s never gonna pick me up for a drive in his car again….x

      Liked by 1 person

  4. […] I’ve been treading water and feeling a little ‘stuck’, but I guess grief will do that. Luckily my interests in mental health and minimalism mean my youtube […]

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